Cake: A HarleyJoker Songfic
by BryannaB709
Summary: WARNING: Angst. This is a songfic based on the song by Melanie Martinez called "Cake". I was listening to this song when I thought of making this fanfic. Please read and review, and enjoy! Rated K plus for light language.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N:_ This is a songfic based on the song by Melanie Martinez called "Cake". I was listening to this song when I thought of making this fanfic. Please read and review, and enjoy! I know Harley Quinn might be a little OOC because standing up to the Joker is simply not a part of her, but it fits with the lyrics. Don't sue me. Rated K+ for light language.

 _Disclaimer:_ I don't own these characters. And  I especially do not own this song.

 **Cake**

 _Your skin is warm like an oven_

 _Your kiss is sugary sweet_

 _Your fingers feel like cotton_

 _When you put your arms around me_

 _I feel like I'm just missing_

 _Something whenever you leave_

 _We've got all the ingredients_

 _Except you loving me._

Harley sat on the abandoned couch down in the alley outside the Joker's lair, fixing some dirty bandages back around her arm.

She winced as a white flash of pain shot through her arm, and continued wrapping the bandages around her most recent injury.

She remembered why she had been thrown out into the alley, landing hard on her arm, and snapping her wrist.

All she had tried to do was surprise him for his birthday. She had thrown streamers until the entire room was practically covered in them, and she had blown up a few balloons to hang in the corner. She had done her make-up extra pretty that morning, and had prepared to surprise him as soon as he walked into the room.

He had opened the door, and Harley swung down from the rafters, hanging by her knees, and yelled, _"Happy birthday, Mista Jay!"_

The Joker had jumped nearly a foot into the air, and yelled, "HARLEEEEEEY!"

She had lept down from the rafters, and hugged him around the waist, saying excitedly, "How old are you, puddin'?"

He threw her off of him, and yelled, "WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM?!"

Her smile had faded, and she said, "I just tried to surprise you. It is your birthday, after all puddin'."

He almost started to steam, and he dragged her by her ear out into the hallway.

She winced, knowing what was coming next, and said, "I'm sorry, puddin', I just wanted to make you smile-"

He just threw open the door out to the alley, and threw her out of the building, yelling, "DON'T CALL ME PUDDIN'!"

 _And respectfully..._

 _I'm not a piece of cake_

 _For you to just discard_

 _While you walk away_

 _With the frosting of my heart_

 _So I'm taking back_

 _What's mine, you'll miss_

 _The slice of heaven that_

 _I gave to you last night._

Harley sighed, and remembered that every one of Mister J's birthday's had gone like that.

But she smiled as she remembered the one birthday that she had at least gained a small smile from her puddin'.

It was about three years ago, and she was in bed sick with a flu.

Joker's henchmen were told to keep her in bed, but she knew when they took break, so she stole away from her room, and put together a little birthday present for her puddin'.

She had ran back to her room, and completely covered herself with the covers by the time the guards got back.

She was just drifting off to sleep, when she saw Joker walking by her room through the window on the door, holding her present.

She had just been able to find him a new handgun in the town (paying for it as Harleen Quinzel, of course), but it was a really good handgun, and she had seen him pining over something really close to it.

He turned it over in his hands, and betrayed a small smile that quickly disappeared when he realized that it was there.

But that was all she needed.

She pulled the covers over her head, and smiled as she slipped into her lovesick dreams.

 _You smell just like vanilla_

 _You taste like buttercream_

 _You're filling up my senses_

 _With empty calories_

 _I feel like I'm just missing_

 _Something whenever you leave_

 _We've got all the ingredients_

 _Except you needing me._

Harley frowned, and remembered all those times they had been caught by the Bat-Brain in the middle of an escapade.

They would be happily wreaking havoc on the citizens of Gotham, and Harley would think to herself, "Maybe, just maybe, this time, we'll be happy."

But the Bat would come, and break their party into pieces.

Joker would always run, and leave her behind to fight the Bat.

The Bat was always too fast for her.

She would be sent away; heart-broken, and alone; telling herself that she would get over the Joker this time, that she wasn't going to go crawling back to him.

But she would always break out, and find him. He would pull her back into his spell, and she would follow him into the beyond.

And she would get left behind again.

The vicious circle just continues.

And she keeps coming back for more.

 _So respectfully..._

 _I'm not a piece of cake_

 _For you to just discard_

 _While you walk away_

 _With the frosting of my heart_

 _So I'm taking back_

 _What's mine, you'll miss_

 _The slice of heaven that_

 _I gave to you last night._

Harley had wondered what was wrong with her many times.

She always wondered blindly back to her Mister J, and he always chewed her up and spit her out like a wad of old gum.

She sometimes thought that she could just walk away and move on, but he would worm his way back into her mind, and she would find herself finding him again.

He would woe her, pull her in, then tear her apart. She would beg for his attention, his love, his _respect_ , but he would throw her away again, leaving her behind, heart-broken.

She would kill, she would torture, she would try to impress him, but she always fell short, and, in his eyes, merit turning in.

In the asylum, she would sit in her cell, take her pills, try to be normal, and forget him.

But somewhere in the therapy, deep inside the medications and drugs, he would find her again, and she would fall back into love.

She would find the part of her that couldn't live without him, and she would fall again.

She would scream, she would protest, she would eventually escape, and crawl back to him.

His dancing harlequin.

 _If I am just a piece of cake_

 _I am just a piece of cake (cake)_

 _Then you're just a piece of meat_

 _You're just a piece of meat to me_

 _If I am just a piece of cake_

 _I am just a piece of cake (cake)_

 _Then, you're just a piece of meat_

 _You're just a piece of meat to me_

Sometimes she would hate him for it. For leaving her behind, for always putting her down when all she wanted was his attention.

She would convince herself that he was wrong, and she meant something.

She would hold her head high, and walk free for a short while, leaving him behind in the dark recesses of her mind.

But now, as she sat on the damp couch, she felt lower than low.

She ducked her head, and hugged her knees to her chest as she cried softly into the material of her skirt.

But the small part of her mind that might still be sane told her, "You don't have to stand for this! You deserve his attention! And you're going to walk in there, and demand it!"

She frowned, and clenched her gloved hands into fists.

For the first time in her life, she broke down the door to the building that she had constantly been tossed out of, and stomped down the hallway towards the Joker's office.

 _So respectfully..._

 _I'm not a piece of cake_

 _For you to just discard_

 _While you walk away_

 _With the frosting of my heart_

 _So I'm taking back_

 _What's mine, you'll miss_

 _The slice of heaven that_

 _I gave to you last night._

She broke into his office, her skin felt like it was on fire, she felt so in control as she yelled, "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!"

He turned around with a start, and jumped.

She gripped her mallet in both hands, and yelled, "I WANT A LITTLE RESPECT AROUND HERE! EVERY SINGLE TIME, IT'S THROW HER OUTSIDE WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD! I'M SICK OF IT! I WANT SOME REAL RESPECT! I WANT SOME ATTENTION, GODDAMMIT!"

He just yelled back, _"What do you think you're doing?! Are you threatening me?!"_

She backed away, slightly stunned at his reaction, and said with considerably less confidence, "No, Mister J., I just got a little carried away-"

He screamed, "CARRIED AWAY?! ALL YOU EVER ARE IS CARRIED AWAY! _ALWAYS_ MESSING UP MY PLANS, AND _ALWAYS_ IN THE WAY! JUST LEAVE, AND _TAKE YOUR ANNOYING VOICE WITH YOU!"_

His words struck Harley hard.

She stumbled back, running into the wall, tears forming in her eyes.

She gained some strength, and said in a quivering voice, "Fine. I will leave. And you'll see how much you need me."

But her strength faded, and she ran out of the room, tears pouring from her eyes, streaking her dark make-up across her cheeks.

 _The slice of heaven that I gave_

 _The slice of heaven that I gave to you_

 _The slice of heaven that I gave to you last night._

Harley lied crumbled outside a dingy bar in the downtown area of Gotham City, holding her mallet close to her like a security blanket.

She pulled her clothes tighter around her tiny frame, trying to ignore the stabs of piercing cold that stung at her in the falling snow.

Mister J's harsh words rang through her ears, and she covered her ears with her numb hands, trying to block out the gathering noise.

She muttered to herself through numb lips, "He needs me, he'll find me, he always finds me, he'll find me..."

But poor ignorant Harley didn't know how wrong she was.

* * *

 _A/N:_ Well, there you go.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N:_ I realize you might have read a lot of stories like the first chapter, but I'm going to try and change that with the second chapter.

 _Disclaimer:_ I own nothing.

 **Part Two**

Selina Kyle (a.k.a. the Catwoman) snuck into the building that Harley told her held the Joker's lair inside.

She knew that the Joker had heavy manipulation in the underground, and just maybe, if she had control of the Joker, she would gain a higher reputation than just the Batman's girlfriend.

She got past the locked doors (she was astonished at the low level of security on the outside doors) and was confronted with her first obstacle.

About a dozen guard were pacing in front of the hallway, carrying large guns or clubs, but Catwoman easily defeated the majority of them with her cat-of-nine-tails.

The one guard left conscious crawled over to a small panel on the wall.

Selina didn't worry about him until he pressed the panic button, sending loud shrieks of Klaxon and flashes of siren lights down the hallway.

She clenched her teeth, and drew the gun she kept in her holster just in case. She held it to the guard's head, and squeezed the trigger quickly.

A couple dozen more guards exploded from the rooms lining the hallway, and ran at her, brandishing various weapons.

She easily defeated them as they kept coming, but they started to overwhelm her. She clawed at the guards closest to her, and whipped the ones too far away for her claws to reach.

She eventually made her way through the seas of guards with nothing more than a few scratches, and walked down the hallway, stepping over unconscious guards and the small puddles of blood gathering underneath them.

One door was closed and bolted, and she had a pretty good guess that that door was the door behind which she would find her prize.

She took one of the guards' guns, and shot at the lock until it collapsed.

She burst through the door, and shot at the wall behind the Joker's head to get his attention.

He turned around, and gave a loud cackle as he simply waved the guards behind him to attack.

They advanced on her, but she just gave a quick flick of her whip, and it curled around their ankles, sending them tumbling to the ground as she shot them both in the head.

The Joker's scarred smile widened as he waved again, automatically expecting Harley to come cart-wheeling over the desk to destroy the Catwoman, but he remembered too late that she had run away.

Selina curled her whip over his head, holding him by the neck against the back of his tall chair.

He tried to protest, but before he could do anything, Catwoman brought the hilt of her whip on the top of his head, knocking him unconscious.

* * *

Harley sat in the cold, trying to hold her clothing tighter around herself, when she thought, "I should go back. I really should go back. Just bow my head, and take the abuse, at least I'll be warm."

But the stronger part of her mind told her, "No, no, you're stronger than this!"

But she found herself standing up shakily, and walking away in the direction of Joker's lair.

She eventually reached the door. She pulled it open, rehearsing softly, "Mista Jay, I'm really sorry for running away, I'll try to be a good girl from now on, please take me ba-"

She saw the dead guards scattered across the floor in the hallway, and gasped at the sheer amount of blood.

She muttered to herself, "Mista Jay didn't do this, he doesn't kill like this..."

She saw the four claw marks on the face of one of the guards, and said to herself, "Kitty? Why would she do this? I thought we were friends..."

A desperate thought of panic rushed into her mind, and she yelled, "MISTA JAY!"

She ran into his office, and yelled, _"PUDDIN'!"_

He was gone.

She saw the two guards crumbled on the ground, but no-one else in the room.

She pressed her fists against her temples as she screamed, the thoughts in her head screaming and burning as she slowly opened her eyes and glared at the wall.

She ran out of the office, running straight to her room. She ripped through her dresser, tossing aside various pencil skirts and dress shirts, and finally found her red and black harlequin costume.

She pulled it on with trembling hands, then dug for her hat. She staggered through the hallways, completely dressed in her costume, and clutching her bloodied mallet in one hand as she stepped over the dozens of bodies.

She just found the entire situation very amusing, and let out a loud cackle as she pounded the door open with her mallet, screaming, _"Here, kitty kitty!"_

* * *

Harley cart-wheeled over the roofs, searching for the abandoned apartment building that Catwoman kept as a lair.

She gritted her teeth, then stood still on the roof of one building for a second and muttered, "Kitty, Kitty, where _are_ you? I thought you were my friend..."

She growled, and launched herself onto the next roof with a swift backflip.

She finally found the apartment building, and let herself fall to the ground just before catching herself with a clean dismount.

Gripping her mallet tightly in one hand, she walked shakily towards the front door.

She screamed up at the top window, "Knock knock, Kitty! I'm coming in!"

* * *

Selina walked silently over to the window looking down on the street below, and saw Harley in her red and black outfit, dragging her mallet on the ground behind her.

She rolled her eyes, and slipped on her clawed glove as she walked towards the door out of the room.

Catwoman flipped herself over the staircase rail, and fell past the different levels before landing perfectly on her feet.

She lifted her head, and looked up at the crazed harlequin.

Harley gritted her teeth, and growled, "You keep away from my puddin', kitty. I thought we were friends."

Selina gave her a wide smirk, and said as she started to walk a large circle around Harley, "Harls, the Joker is a user, and I intend to use _him_ to get me a higher status in the underground."

Once she was completely behind her, Selina said as a small jab, "Just like he used you."

At this, Harley snapped.

She whipped around, and screamed, **_"SHUT UP, YOU STUPID CAT!"_**

She lifted her mallet, and swung it at Selina as she let out a loud primal scream.

Catwoman dodged it, and swiped her claws at Harley's torso, leaving a small cut over her ribs.

Harley felt small tears squeezing their way into her eyes, and swung her mallet again with anger blacking out her vision.

Catwoman smiled, and thought to herself that she was going to win this battle easily. She just had to keep Harley mad, and she would defeat her within a matter of minutes.

She swiped her claws at Harley again, this time giving her a small cut across her leg.

Harley gritted her teeth again, and tried to focus.

She saw Catwoman going in for another swipe, this time her neck, and swung her mallet at the space that Catwoman was about to fill.

Catwoman saw the mallet swinging towards her with inhuman speed, and tried to duck out of the way, but Harley seemed to have predicted exactly where she was going to be.

The end of her mallet hit Selina straight in the ribs, smashing her into the wall.

Selina crumbled to the concrete floor, and tried to pick herself up.

Harley grinned, and saw that she had the upper hand now.

She swung her mallet again, this time connecting with Catwoman's head.

Selina spit out a large stream of blood, and sprang up quickly trying to ignore the spots of light clouding her vision, and swiped her claws at Harley again.

But Harley dodged her claws, and swung her mallet again, screaming, _"DOWN KITTY!"_

Her mallet connected with Selina's head again, knocking Catwoman face-first into the floor, unconscious.

Harley smirked, and wiped the blood off of her outfit.

She hoisted her mallet up on her shoulder, and walked over to the staircase that led to the rest of the building.

* * *

Behind one of the doors, the Joker sat tied up in the empty broom closet, his arms fastened behind his back, and his blood-shot eyes searching for the slightest way to escape.

But Catwoman seemed to have thought of every way he could escape, and taken extra precautions in making sure he couldn't get out.

So he was bashing his body against the door, holding on to the slightest hope that the door would give way to his body weight.

After three hours of battering himself against the door, he sighed against the silver duct-tape against his mouth, and started trying to work his way out of his bindings.

But again, Catwoman had tied his arms with thick rope, and wrapped that with duct-tape, and covered that with heavy chain.

Originally, he had a bag over his head, but he had slipped that off easily with a bit of moving around. (He was surprised she hadn't duct-taped _that_ too.)

He thought to himself, "Well, I obviously can't get out of this by myself. All of my goons would be too happy that I was gone, certainly the Bat wouldn't do anything like that."

A thought sprang into his head, and he thought gleefully, "Well, Harls'll get me! She's so dependent, once she finds out I'm gone, she'll rescue me."

But he remembered that she had run away (for the second time that day) and thought, "If she hasn't come back by now, she's probably moved on."

And as he found himself in her usual position, he was actually feeling guilty about what he had done.

But he banished the thought from his mind, and continued bashing his body against the door.

* * *

Harley wandered through the halls of the apartment building, and jumped slightly as she heard a loud 'thunk' from the floor above her.

She smiled, and found a set of stairs going up to the next floor.

The thudding got louder and louder as she wandered through the halls, and she followed the noise to the closet where he was being kept.

She finally opened the door (after removing the locks and chains) and found the Joker inside, wrapped up in his bindings.

He had reared himself back for another thud, and when she opened the door, he tumbled out onto the floor in front of her feet.

Harley felt a multitude of different emotions well up in her, but one fought through; anger.

She glared down at him, and brought her foot up to connect with the underside of his jaw.

He was sent reeling back into the closet, spitting blood out onto the floor.

She leaned forward, grabbed his collar in her fist, and screamed, **_"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU DID TO ME?!"_**

But instead of the screaming fight she expected was coming next, he leaned forward to rest his forehead on her shoulder, and said pitifully, "I do."

Harley prepared herself to scream back at him, but his answer caught her off-guard.

She frowned, and said, "What?"

He said, "I do! Now that I was in your position for once, I know how you felt, and- and-"

Harley frowned, and slapped him again before her anger faded.

She lost her composure, and hugged him violently as she started bawling into his shoulder.

* * *

 _A/N:_ Well, I hoped that fixed it for you people. This is probably my first and last time writing in this fandom, so fairfarren all!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:

"The most dangerous lover

is the one

who greets pain with a smile."

-R. M. Drake


End file.
